Getting back into a routine...

It could take some time, but I'm feeling a real desire to have things back to "normal". Regular daily stuff with the kids, cleaning the house (actually looking FORWARD to that!), doing art and creating things again. Despite being up most of the nights with baby I've been trying to get back into the regular school routine with Anthony, getting him up and ready and seeing him off on the bus. It makes me feel better! I'm exhausted, and still healing, but it's good to be "back". I just have to remind myself to take it slow. Kevin has the word "GO" invisibly tattooed on his being as well so I have to remind him that I need to just sit still sometimes. These muscles ain't what they used to be!

Little Matthew is doing great. I do have to tell you...before now I always thought that cartoon versions of babies saying "Waaaaaaah" was sort of silly. But this little one literally says "Waaaaaaaaaah" when he cries. It's sort of comical sometimes.

Anyway...My mom left for home today. I'm missing her already. She was a great help while she was here, and I'm glad she got to spend a few days with Matthew before leaving. We took this picture at the airport while waiting for her to board the plane...
Isn't that great? :)

Celebrating Life.

Amidst all the joy of welcoming Matthew into our family it hasn't left my mind a bit that we should celebrate every little person that comes into our life for however brief a time.

Two years ago Thomas was born quietly into our world and our family. We still talk about him quite a bit. He left that much of an impression on us. He touched Anthony in a very special way that will stay with him his whole life. I know with time Anthony will continue to grow and understand the situation more. He still feels, I think, that something unfair happened and his brother was "taken" from him. I remind him that they will always be brothers, and he'll be there waiting for him when Anthony gets to heaven. It helps a little.

When we were talking with the doctor about inducing me with Matthew, she mentioned that usually the hospital likes a weeks notice before inductions because of how busy they are. I would have been more than 42 weeks. I can't imagine! But the other thing that crossed my mind was that Matthew would have been born on the anniversary of Thomas' "birthday". It would have been bitter-sweet and odd for me, so I said a little prayer and asked for sooner. God heard me! Well, of course He did. I just hoped he would work things out for me and give me the strength I would need should I have had to wait until today to give birth. He's a merciful God.

The words of the nurse who tended to me when I went to the hospital with Thomas still stick with me and I find myself still feeling the same as I did then (slightly shocked and heartbroken at her words)...but with a little more clarity and understanding. She told me that I was young and beautiful and could have more babies. And as true as that was and still is, even with the birth of a beautiful new baby my heart still aches with that loss. We've added to our family. We haven't replaced anyone. I know she was trying to console me in some way, and I can appreciate that. I couldn't be happier to have Matthew! He's truly wonderful. I think perhaps I appreciate each of my children even more because of the loss of Thomas. And so in thankfulness to his life having drawn out in me a more grateful and appreciative outlook...I celebrate his little brief life today.

We have baby!

Yay! So happy! Best early Christmas present ever!

Matthew Joseph was born at 11:16am yesterday. He weighed 7lbs 10 ozs, and he's 20 3/4 inches long. It went fast! Since we decided to induce (at 41 weeks and a day I was ready!) I spoiled myself with an epidural. It had me feeling so grateful for the knowledge of what childbirth without one was like. Funny huh? Even though I wasn't feeling pain I could still feel everything that was going on. Once things got going they went fast! He descended pretty quickly and once I was checked to be fully dilated even though I wasn't pushing he was coming! I tried my hardest not to sound desperate, but proclaimed he was coming and they better get the doctor quick. And then I did a lot of deep breathing so I wouldn't just naturally push:)

It was all great.

The only scare I had was when they gave me antibiotics for Strep B early in labor and I had an allergic reaction. I started coughing and couldn't figure out why. And then I started to itch. And then I started to itch REALLY BAD. I broke out between my fingers and on my palms, and started to have trouble breathing. I freaked out. Panic attack in full effect. It took less than five minutes from when they started the meds. Crazy scary. The nurse ran out to get the doctor and a bunch of people showed up and I got a nice big dose of Benydril. I hope to never repeat that experience.

If people hadn't been coming and going all night checking on us I would have gotten a pretty decent nights sleep:) Yes, I know how to nurse and change a diaper! All is well. Tomorrow I think we get to go home, which is good because I'm ready to get back into some routines. I'll share some more soon. For now I'm going to go back to staring at the cute little face that is watching me from the crib:)

Happy Post-Thanksgiving.

It's been a bit since I've posted. I've just been preoccupied with ... life and stuff.

My mom is here. Kevin's mom arrived a couple days ago as well and made us a great big Thanksgiving meal. We also celebrated Anthony's 7th Birthday. Aside from a short visit to Labor and Delivery everything was lovely. I thought I was leaking, but apparently not!

I'm now nearly a week overdue with this little person. Every time someone asks how I'm doing I just want to cry. I'm thankful to be getting better from my sinus infection/flu things. But I'm very obviously overdue, and everything hurts like heck. It feels like there is a train parked on my pelvis, and every time he moves it feels like someone is using a jack-hammer on me. At this point I'm feeling that getting induced is inevitable. Monday I go back in if I haven't gone into labor, and we'll talk about what to do. I didn't want to be induced, but I feel like I'm going to be pregnant f.o.r.e.v.e.r. And in all honesty it would be helpful if I had the baby while my mom is here to help us with the other kids for a couple of days.

I got nothing else much to share right now. Sorry :( I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and I'll update again soon. (Hopefully about a new little person!)

Still pregnant, yessiree.

Our little one is secure in his little spot. As much as the back labor and contractions have been going going going...he's giving no signs of really wanting to vacate the premises. The doctors are keeping a close eye now that it's so close to our due date. Babes is doing well. He's a wiggly-worm. Can't wait to be able to hold him and see those cute little knees that keep ending up in my ribs. Sooner rather than later, if you please.

This afternoon my blood pressure was up a little bit, and I'm running a bit of a low-grade fever. But they sent me home with instructions to go to Labor and Delivery if anything out of the ordinary goes on, or if I'm just really not feeling well. Of course I'm not feeling well (duh!). I'm really uncomfortable, hurting in places I wish I was still unaware of some days. Trying really hard not to catch every thing that the kids, (and Kevin), bring home. So far vitamins and rest seem to be doing the job.

I can't really complain too much. I'm just tired, ya know? I'd much rather be missing sleep because of diaper changes and nursing, though.

ANY DAY NOW, little person! :)

I'm getting to the end of my rope!

I know this might seem contradictory to my last post but....I am in so much pain I almost can't stand it anymore. There is so much pain, and so much swelling, and so much pressure. This is worse than labor. Labor I could handle...the rest of this...UGH!

Lord have mercy.

Feeling empowered.

I picked up some cd's called HypBirth for practicing hypnosis for labor and delivery. It's amazing what a little relaxation will do for you. Since listening to them I feel much more at peace, and with every contraction that happens even now, they are almost painless because I am cooperating with them rather than fighting "this thing that is happening to me".

The author has made some good points about labor. From the time we are little girls we hear horror stories about how labor and delivery is painful and horrible, and the only good thing about it is when it's over. We sort of get hypnotized into believing this and then live it out through our own experience. It's very true. With Anthony, not only was I afraid not knowing what to expect, but I had this vision in my head of how horrible it was going to be and things sort of played themselves out from there. Being induced with him didn't help either. Being induced made me feel even more out of control and like this thing was "happening" to me rather than me being cooperative in the process.

The fact that I feel like my pregnancies and births have become a learning experience, and a process of maturity...well it makes me feel more empowered. I know it sounds silly:) I'm very proud of me for the things I've gone through and learned from.

This little one is going to be one more wonderful learning experience.
~~~~
Isn't it interesting how not only are we called to teach our kids, but we're called to learn from them as well. I think with each one, I've discovered something new about myself that I didn't know was in me before.

Anyway, I'm off to get ready for my check-up and ultra-sound. Can't wait to see the little one:)

Friday. Thank goodness.

Whew! I'm tired. All this getting up early makes me just want to lay in bed the rest of the day.

Thankfully we did Trick or Trunk at church on Sunday, and Anthony has another party thing going on at school today, so I've gotten out of having to haul the kids around trick or treating. Not that I'm a big fan of it anyway. I'm all for dressing up and having fun, but I'd much rather do it for said party at church than just wandering around neighborhoods I don't know. I'm not up for wandering around anyway. You'd have to roll me around, I'm hurting too much now!

Honestly I'm not feeling so hateful towards being pregnant as I did the last two pregnancies. Right about now I'd be cursing silently and wishing for the end. Instead I'm just feeling grateful for a semi-uneventful and safe and healthy pregnancy thus far. I'm ready to hold this little person and be able to thank God for a safe delivery. I'm just so grateful. As much as I complain that I'm tired, I really am thankful to be here! I'm looking forward to Monday when I have my next check-up and ultrasound. This time their just going to check his growth and position. He's very obviously head down with all the kicks I get to my ribs. I was still only dilated a little bit and effaced 30%, but "his head is RIGHT there", and he likes to let me know it too. He puts on foot on my ribs and pushes his head down. Makes me feel like I'm dying, but hey at least I know he's ready and in position!

Kevin left on Wednesday with stern warnings not to have the baby while he's gone. Not that I want to steal that from him, but I wouldn't mind too much. (I think for him this time a big part of it is that he doesn't want me to be alone.) I tend to stress a lot and hold back about things in general when I see him standing by with a very pained/concerned expression and not knowing what to do or how to help. So I guess in a sense I'd like to save him the uncomfortableness of it all. And me too. I've been practicing some self-hypnosis techniques for labor, like I did with Annie, hoping that things will just go easily. I know it sounds sort of psycho-babbly to talk about hypnosis, but the images and relaxation stuff really helped a lot. I'd love for things to go that way again, but we all know how unpredictable it is.

With Kevin gone for a while I feel like I should get something productive done. I'm going to focus on our room and bathroom. I need to do a thorough cleaning before people start showing up at my house too. My mom is coming, and Kevin's mom is coming for Thanksgiving and possibly his brother as well he said. The least I could do is vacuum. And clean the main bathroom and put laundry away....I'd much rather just go and take another nap:)

Most disgusting.

You know...I've cleaned up some gross stuff. Bodily fluids are pretty gross.

But this one tops them all....

Kevin's bottle of chewing tobacco spit. Spilt on the carpet. *gag*

I was tempted to just cut the chunk of carpet out.

Never again.

Seriously....

All I can say is....I am soooooo ready.

Every time I stand up I have a contraction. Which happens to be a lot since it seems like every 3 minutes one of the kids is yelling "MOM! I need you!!!!!"

Today the contractions have been on and off every couple of hours, only a few minutes apart during that hour or so. I'm more tired than anything. If I lay still long enough they stop. (I know...keep my feet up, drink lots of water, relax, stay down....) Last night they were every 7 minutes and would last about 30-40 seconds. My body is seriously reaaaaaaaaady. I figure give it until next week, when I'll be 36 weeks and then if he comes.....ok. Still a little early this week. So I'm trying to relax. Trying, being the key word.

I have an appointment on Monday. At my last appointment I was dilated to about 1 and 30% effaced. I'm pretty sure things have progressed a little. Maybe TMI, but I feel like the little one is stabbing my cervix. The contractions almost make me want to push and are extremely painful down there. I'm sure whatever doctor I see this time will check to see where things have progressed to. As long as my water doesn't break, and the contractions stop things should be fine. He's moving around significantly well for how little room is in there.

In the mean time...nothing is going on. Kevin got off work early today and decided to make a make our bunny a new hutch. (Still sorta scratching my head about that one...but ok!) I finished sewing 3 more diapers today. Anthony is doing well in school. Annie is just Annie. My brother has been working a lot and has made some friends. I'm glad about that, he needed someone outside our crazy walls:) Poor guy gets smothered by the kids sometimes. You literally have to peel them off of him. I keep telling him, "Just smack em! They'll let go!" Haha. They adore him, really.

Back to laying down. My laptop is getting serviced so that's part of why I've been so quiet. And just not much to share anyway. Hope everyone is well. I'll post again soon....